Dear, I kept all the emails that you sent to me and all your smses becos I value them alot. I don't know if you still remember this email named "The story of a girl". Your biggest fear and now become a reality for me instead. If you still understand how you felt thenz, I believe you will understand what I felt now.
This is the email that you sent to me:
Hello Rodin.
Last night while i was sleeping, i dreamt of you again. Recently when i
dream it always revolves around you. Like how I dreamt about your aunties
coming to your house and how i dream that we got caught on the bed together.
haha.
Well, it wasnt really a dream last night. It was more of a nightmare.
Because in my dreams i saw you with another girl. And we were not together
anymore. I felt really devastated right then. It was as if i came back from
somewhere or i was not really present at the same place with you. But I
could see that you were very close to another girl, someone who looked more
like your age.
To be honest with you, a lot of times i get worried. About how you will
think about me. Sometimes when we have very different views on things, im
scared that you will find me extremely immature. And how one day you will
see that actually i am just a nineteen year old girl and i am just like any
other teenager. Maybe one day you will feel that im not as wise and mature
as i appear to be... that i may be so on the surface, but ultimately i am
still extremely childish. And i hope, if one day I become like that to you,
I just want you to know that I am indeed STILL a teenager. And that i still
have a lot of things to learn. i hope that you will never give up on me or
anything because I am certain that i really love you a lot a lot.
In my nightmare, the feeling was weird. Because i got this feeling that we
were already not together. and you weren't cheating on me or something. But
you know why i felt sad? Because I was so certain that i will be married to
you. Yet, what I saw in the dream was not what i had pictured. It's scary
you know. It was really scary. I was crying a lot in my dreams but I didnt
approach you because you looked very happy with the girl. Luckily i didnt
get to see anything else bcos i woke up after that.
Sometimes i think if I was not in any relationship, maybe i can concentrate on my studies better.I know how it is like because that was my situation for nineteen years before i met u. But you make my life really a lot better. You are the reason that I know what loving someone means. You are also the reason why i understand some couples get jealous when their partner hang out with someone else. (Yes, i do get jealous sometimes. maybe not jealous, but just
affected.. but i don't say, because its extremely silly) You are also the face of my future now and sometimes i do scold myself for placing you in that role so fast and certain because we never know what will happen to us.
But i don't really think of that. I just give all of my heart to you.
Here's to the future together my love. I hope it will never end for us.
Lots of HUGS & KISSES,
Swee
Someone's come and taken me
Where i don't wanna go
If i knew exactly what i have to do
In order to be there for you
When you were feeling low
And all the things we ever wanted
Were once yours and mine
Now, i know we can revive it
All the love we left
Everytime i cry i see your smile and
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since the day i gave your love away
Save me, i've fallen from my destiny
You and i were meant to be
I've thrown it all away
Now you're gone
It's time for me to carry on
But baby i just can't go on
Without you by my side
And all the things we ever wanted
Were once yours and mine
Now, i know we can revive it
All the love we left
Everytimei kiss i feel your lips and
Everytime i cry i see your smile and
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since the day i gave your love away
We can survive it
All the pain we feel inside
You relied on me and now i've let you down
Now, i promise you forever
I will be the best i can
Now, i know we can revive it
All the love we left
Everytime i kiss i feel your lips and
Everytime i cry i see your smile and
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since i gave your love away
Everytime i kiss i feel your lips and
Everytime i cry i see your smile and
Everytime i close my eyes i realise that
Everytime i hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And i have never felt this way
Since the day i gave your love away
Hey Din Din,
I'll be missing you! Was thinking of the next few days and it feels a little different without you.
Well... at least I'm glad you've got your bestest pal with you for the next few days! And I think it'll be really cool to be watching movie with him after such a long time. Do you even remember when you watched a movie with him? (Haha. Maybe you do)
Anyway, our travel schedule is like this. Tuesday - Drive there, Wednesday - take ferry to Redang in the morning, Thursday - In Redang, Friday - take ferry back to main island and stay overnight at the same hotel we stayed on Tuesday night, Saturday - Drive home!
If we extend our stay to Sunday I'll let you know.
So... you haven't got a chance to see how I look when I go to my cousin's wedding right? Hehe. Me and my mummy went to the salon and let the hair dresser make our hair.
This is my hair when we go to the tea drinking ceremony in the morning.
It's all tucked in! Like SIA style and I really like it a lot. I felt all hyped up to be a stewardess and I felt more inclined to be polite and smile at everyone. :D I think I can be one already!!!!
Then for the evening hair style, its this one below.
This one is curled and then tied to one side only. You can't see it in the photo here but I had small glittery butterfly clips on top of my head. Very pretty!!
That's my dinner time look. Ok ok, I know I'm not standing properly :P That was taken in the Hilton Hotel room which my uncle and auntie who are marrying their daughter off were staying in for the night.
Ok, so with this 3 lovely photos, maybe you will not forget me!! Hehe.
Good night for now! Im going to bed already. I love you! Take care and have fun.
Yesterday was a really happy day for me... and for us I feel.
It's because we have been together for two years now. And being able to go for our 2nd year anniversary lunch together means a lot. I love how our anniversary lunches have been - always with the best restaurants, in the hands of exemplary and good chefs.
I thought Iggy's was really delightful. Although not everything is great, but it was at least delicious. I like the setting of our tables too. With those books, and quite spaced out tables. It felt homely and inviting all at once. And the staff do not keep an eagle hawk eye on you like Les Amis which can be quite intimidating cos its like everyone is staring at us! :)
So, with this 2nd year anniversary meal being of great significance, let's hope there will be more to come. I already do look forward to next year.
2 years on, I can say I do feel extremely comfortable with you. Even though we just do normal things, like going to shop, eat and exercise, I do feel very fulfilled doing all those with you. Its like we have gotten into a comfortable routine which I can foresee us doing for a long time to come. I like that. I love it even more when I know I'll be doing them with you.
I love you! Hope you enjoyed your day yesterday :)
Dear Din Din,
Just wanna let you know some stuff...
Firstly, I hope you know that I do not ever take anybody's words whole sale. Even my parents, you, Charlene or anyone. Not even God. I always evaluate people's words and if its not in line with what I think or it doesn't make sense, I just dump it aside. I think you should know better? How sometimes when you tell me your ideas or theories and I don't agree with you straight away? Its not that I am trying to be funny or unsupportive. I need to find a reason to feel so before I actually agree with something. And I do not purposely treat you like that. I treat everyone like that. Reason is because I will never take a person's words first hand.
Secondly, when I feel upset or angry with you, and if I complain to others, and they tell me things, I do not just agree with them straight away too. Many a times when people come to me when they are down or angry, I always tell them that they shouldn't judge so fast, but let it cool down a while before making a decision or thinking about it again. I know how the feelings one person feels at the moment can affect their behaviour. And its not that I am rubbing in your face, but I am studying psychology, I study all sorts of unconscious behaviour and I do know about this thing even before I take psychology. So compared to most other people, I would say I really do know more about such stuff. So please don't worry?
Thirdly, in my sms to you on our anniversary. I said that "I will always want to believe in you, love you, hug you and kiss you". The believe in you part is important because I never want to doubt you. You tell me things and I will want to believe your words. If I do ask any more questions, its because I only want to verify my belief in you and not because I want to falsify you. Please keep this in mind. From the bottom of my heart, and whole heartedly, I really REALLY always want to believe in you and nothing else. I do not exist in this relationship to prove that you are wrong. I am here because I know that you only want the best for you and me and that you don't want to hurt me.
I think its good that you tell me such stuff like you did last night. And I also agree with you that I will never wish for the moment to ever come that things go wrong and I will say that you were right all along. I'm glad for all you said because it shows that you treasure me a lot and don't want to lose me to any possibilities like that. Right now, I want to reassure you that I am not just another stupid girl in this relationship. I want to let you know and I promise with everything I've got that I will never stop being together with you because of another guy or third party. I will never do that because I love you and I cannot bear to see you being hurt or sad. I cannot bear to break your heart. Even if another guy who is "better" than you come along, I will not use him to judge my relationship with you. Because like I said, it is really not fair. I will stick with you through thick and thin and this third party thing will NEVER EVER be used on our relationship because I will NOT be led astray by them. I will NEVER let the feelings get to my head because I know what it does and also cos you've told me before. Like what I said. I know all those stuff. I am really not like all those other people whom you've seen in other relationships or your friends kind. In the past I was stupid ok? I always admit that. But that doesnt mean I never learn. Maybe you don't see it in me, but I am mature enough to know what to do in a relationship. I even bitch about the wrong ideas in the media (like in the movies) that lead to so many breakups in real life. Tell me, how many of the people around you can spot that? They don't. They just take in whatever the show does even if the show make it seem as if its ok to have an affair and they don't realise that after seeing so many movies about that they are doing that too in real life. Its not that I think too much or what. Its always when people think that the movie means no harm or that it is just for plain entertainment that they start to unconsciously accept it into their value system. Its always like that. The most dangerous situation is when it appears to be ok and not malicious.
I hope with all this you can gain an insight into how I think for our relationship. It is good to be worried about me, and its good to give reminders once in a while too, but you really don't have to worry too much about me. Because I will never let normal shitty excuses be the reason for not being together with you.
You’re off for a nice short trip on the cruise this mid week.
Today, I want to thank you for surprising me by sending me home instead even though you told me that you are sending me to 966 bus stop.
I was even imagining the arrival of the bus already! Haha.
Now, I don’t know if you’ll even read this, cos its going to be “all words” again.
But I am trying to make it into super short paragraphs, so I hope you’ll read.
I listened to your advice today.
I came home, told myself I will finish that last lecture notes that I have been taking too long to finish for the past few days, by 10pm.
Within 30 minutes I was done and I was doing practice questions.
Like you say, it makes me feel satisfied and that I have at least done something.
It’s 12 midnight now, I am going to sleep but going to wake up again in 4 hours.
Just wanna tell you, I love you.
And that you are so nice and wonderful to even buy durians from all the way in JB for my parents.
Thank you, on their behalf! =)
<3 <3 <3
My dear dear dear handphone died today. Even though its just a lifeless piece of plastic/ metal (I don't know what goes into it), I must say I love it A L-O-T.
There are mainly two reasons for it. And other reasons too.
Reason Number 1: YOU bought it for me against all odds of it being such an expensive phone and a hard to get model
Reason Number 2: It was, no actually is still is, my dream phone. It was all I ever wanted and the phone gave me everything I ever wanted - The camera even though was only at 2 MP had clear quality, the music quality from the phone was better than any phone I bothered to listen to and the design was unique and I hated anyone who said my phone was big. It's like Tioman you know? Everything I ever wish for, I got it. I'm so grateful to the phone. It had never ever disappointed me.
Reason Number 3: I am so satisfied with the phone that I NEVER looked at another handphone for its entire life span and I NEVER got attempted by other phone models as shiny and attractive they may be. =( very sad ok?
Reason Number 4: I DON'T want to find another phone to replace it.
This may sound so stupid. As in how I am going on and on about a piece of plastic or how I even cried over it. But this phone matters so much to me.
So much history. From you giving to me one fine NIGHT in June (To me not wanting to touch the phone because it is simply crazy so much so I had to stuff it under your pillows), to Akane, Muse, Tatsuya, ALASKA, to our birthdays and anniversaries together, to SO SO SO many special or events meaningful to me in my life. I could always count on my trusty phone to belt out Nirvana as my ringtone and My Chemical Romance as my alarm tone. I could always count on it to capture moments in my life. It was there to help me when I need to calculate money. It was there when I need to post a note on the main screen to remind me of stuff I need to do.
=( And all the nice sms I had from u. I even had the very first sms I receive from you on the phone.
Like what I told u. I'm glad the phone died. At least I don't have pressure to trade it in.
I love my phone!!! Everything else just pales in comparison.
On the last day that it worked, I had to rush through my report for my project. I was really very tired at 1am. So I decided to go sleep and wake up at 5am. When I plugged it into my charger, it just went bright and blank. So after a few struggles, it came on again. And work fine until it woke me up at 5am and then it just didnt work anymore. It was like its final task that it did for me. It even knew that it should not be troubling me and just do me a big final favour. So touched. Haha. Coincidence maybe. But it really was the case.
Sigh.
Dear W900i. Thank you for everything.
And of course, it could not have been possible without you Din Din.
Hello, firstly, I must say I'm very happy for you in terms of the teacher thing.
I really feel SO much relief for you and I can almost see the heavy weight that you have been carrying for the past few months being lifted off your shoulders. I'm very glad.
Having said that, its time to get into action and lead a nice life again! :) Like what you said and saw in "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" movie, don't leave time for regrets in life. Sometimes, it may be too late to even rectify it. So be happy! And always go and do what you always want to do such as jogging. Haha.
It's time to get fit and healthy too! It's not a chore I can assure you. Especially when I can do it with you. It will most certainly be fun and its a good way to spend time together. Also, when you do start your training at NIE, you will not huffing and breathing so hard when everyone is running/ training. I sincerely look forward to seeing a fitter and healthier you! Though you will never outrun me. Hahahahaha.
Is it really the last pack for you already? I hope so. Your cough is really worrying. So is your sugar levels. Sometimes its not necessary to eliminate those stuff from you life immediately. Cutting down is also good enough till you find the strength to give those things totally up.
Ok, wanna share with you some photos which you have not seen yet...
My birthday celebration!!
As you know, Apple and Charlene and Evon came over to my house. They bought me a cake from one of my favourite shop "Cedele". Apple and Charlene waited so long for me to come to the door that the middle candle was going to disappear. So it was really a funny sight. Haha. The cake was also became quite soft as its made from something like mousse but tasted a lot better than mousse.
This is me cutting my 1st cake of the day...
The hand in the background belongs to Apple.
Then later on at night, after my birthday dinner at Jack's Place with my family, we brought over my cake that my mother bought for me to Jason's house. We did so because they came over while we were gone and stuff a fat hong bao under our front door. So its like to thank them! And we brought over Dr. Loosen wine too. My parents prefer the more expensive Dr. Loosen still.
This is me blowing the light off the candles!
The cake was really very pretty. Each roses look as if it took a lot of skill to make and its not a mould thing. Its fresh cream too.
My lovely parents gave me this for my birthday...
So nice of them!! I just say for fun and they really buy it for me. Haha. Actually I heard they wanted to buy me a Rado watch at first but no nice design or also too expensive.
Of course, I had an enjoyable dinner with you at Tatsuya too! Thanks a lot of the treat! :) The Tatsuya entry is uploaded at the food blog. So you should check it out if you have time.
Chinese New Year
For this year, its a little bit more special because my mother's friend came over to teach me how to bake Pineapple tarts. It's really very nice! The batch that was made this year was delicious. You should try.
That's my mother's friend. I call her Aunty Jaroh. Everything is self made. Even the pineapple. She always jokes that she doesn't like to go out with my family because people will think she is the Indian maid. Haha. And you know what? She makes jokes about her own race too. So cute. Cause there was one batch which was over baked and was quite brown in colour. Then she says its for Indians to eat.
That night she brought us to Samy's Curry at Dempsey Road to eat. Ok la. Not too bad. I find their mutton meat quite nice but other than that, I still think the Yishun one has the best prawns and crabs. ;)
Reunion Dinner at Ming Kee
Lots of good food at Ming Kee, but I didn't take most of them cause it just looks exactly like what the dish is. But here's a picture of the Lobster Bee Hoon
The lobster meat was fresh, juicy and all but I still think their crab bee hoon wins hand down. The noodle used in the Lobster bee hoon is like the crispy kind. Those that need to soak with the gravy. I like it though.
I loved the dessert. Maybe because I rarely get to drink double boiled bird's nest soup.
It's quite a large serving for every one and there were so mch gingko nuts inside. Once, I tried to finish up all the gingko nuts first so that I can slowly enjoy the soup but I gave up after a while cos it never seems to end! And because our dinner is for 10 people and we only had 9 people who attended the dinner, I got to share the extra bowl with my dad! Yum yum!!
That night, Aunty Jaroh also passed us a steamed fruit cake for us to eat. She specially ordered from her friend to make for us. And I must say even though the fruit cake has no alcohol, it is really VERY good. Ok, I know you are not interested. Haha.
Ok, that's about all the photos I have. Gotta go for class now! I hate Thursdays! What a long day. 10 to 8pm!!!!!
But before I end, thanks for bringing me to Bernie's last night. Haha. Even though not very worth it, at least now I can say I've been there and don't really wanna go back there too unless someone treating. Haha.
I love you! Have a nice day!
Hello! It's 2008 already. Time really flies.
So to welcome the new year and for us to have a relaxing and well deserving break, we went to Ritz Carlton for their Sunday Champagne Brunch!
I still remember its so funny. When I told you to meet at Suntec City Convention Centre side, you keep thinking we are going to Paulaners bcos I told you not to drive. Haha.
I remember crossing the road with you and asking you, "It's a nice day to drink beer right?" And you didn't say anything but ask why and I said its because its so hot. Then we walked nearer and nearer to Paulaners (And now I wonder the times you stood outside and look opposite the road while waiting for me) and then I just add "But too bad we're not drinking beer today." Haha. Then you had this amused look on your face. And you were smiling and I think maybe it caught you by surprise. Haha.
Then we took a short walk to Ritz Carlton and on the way there you were quite happy that they have lobsters too! It was a hot day so the little walk made both of us perspire. But of course its worth it. Haha.
For me, when I entered the Greenhouse (the place we have the champagne brunch) I really like it a lot. There was a live band (almost like Titanic! haha. Ok, the celebrity cruise also has live band) and every table there had champagne glasses. So exciting. When we sat down at our table, I took at while to look around and saw quite a few tables with their champagne glasses filled with the bubbly joy already and I was thinking, its going to be a great happy day cos everybody will be smiling with all the bubbles and alcohol in their blood. The crowd consisted of a lot of caucasians and its really nice. Somehow the atmosphere there is more refined than other places with a lot of Singaporeans. It is refined, with good service and food (And drinks of course ;) ) and yet the atmosphere wasn't as serious as Les Amis. Whereby all the service staff is also very attentive and we can't chat in our normal volume or something.
I've read some reviews and they say that the sunday brunch at Ritz Carlton is very noisy. But I hardly feel so. It had lots of chatter filling up the place but it is not as bad as those in food courts, or even some restaurants. Maybe the high glass windows and ceiling really helped a lot too.
Well, I think even though you drank too fast and too furiously that you had to wave the white flag in less than 2 hours, haha, I think it was a well worth trip. At least we got to eat lobster, oysters, mussells, foie gras (ooh the nice little cup one with nacho was especially nice), fresh prawns etc etc. You didn't eat the chocolate cake but it was very nice. But sinful of course. And haha, my cheese!!!!! All 45 types. Didn't even get to taste one. Haha. You owe me a lot. =P Ok, at least we tried the Moet and Chandon Rose Champagne so we don't have to spend money on buying one bottle to try. And hey! All in all, we've tried 3 types of Moet already. The normal Brut Imperial, the DFS one and the grand vintage. I think last month in December I said I will buy one bottle of the Grand Vintage 2000 for us to drink so I guess this makes up for it yeah? Hehe.
So you, being the red lobster that you are,
was SO red and we went home after that. It's a wonder your parents didnt realise how red you were! And then we slept the whole afternoon and had fun with each other and haha. It was the end of the day. But it was really immensely fun! And memorable.
I love you Rodin! I hope this year will be a fantastic and good year for both of us.
