3 posts from December 2008

Dear, I kept all the emails that you sent to me and all your smses becos I value them alot. I don't know if you still remember this email named "The story of a girl". Your biggest fear and now become a reality for me instead. If you still understand how you felt thenz, I believe you will understand what I felt now.

This is the email that you sent to me:

Hello Rodin.

Last night while i was sleeping, i dreamt of you again. Recently when i
dream it always revolves around you. Like how I dreamt about your aunties
coming to your house and how i dream that we got caught on the bed together.
haha.

Well, it wasnt really a dream last night. It was more of a nightmare.
Because in my dreams i saw you with another girl. And we were not together
anymore. I felt really devastated right then. It was as if i came back from
somewhere or i was not really present at the same place with you. But I
could see that you were very close to another girl, someone who looked more
like your age.

To be honest with you, a lot of times i get worried. About how you will
think about me. Sometimes when we have very different views on things, im
scared that you will find me extremely immature. And how one day you will
see that actually i am just a nineteen year old girl and i am just like any
other teenager. Maybe one day you will feel that im not as wise and mature
as i appear to be... that i may be so on the surface, but ultimately i am
still extremely childish. And i hope, if one day I become like that to you,
I just want you to know that I am indeed STILL a teenager. And that i still
have a lot of things to learn. i hope that you will never give up on me or
anything because I am certain that i really love you a lot a lot.

In my nightmare, the feeling was weird. Because i got this feeling that we
were already not together. and you weren't cheating on me or something. But
you know why i felt sad? Because I was so certain that i will be married to
you. Yet, what I saw in the dream was not what i had pictured. It's scary
you know. It was really scary. I was crying a lot in my dreams but I didnt
approach you because you looked very happy with the girl. Luckily i didnt
get to see anything else bcos i woke up after that.
 
Sometimes i think if I was not in any relationship, maybe i can concentrate on my studies better.I know how it is like because that was my situation for nineteen years before i met u. But you make my life really a lot better. You are the reason that I know what loving someone means. You are also the reason why i understand some couples get jealous when their partner hang out with someone else. (Yes, i do get jealous sometimes. maybe not jealous, but just
affected.. but i don't say, because its extremely silly) You are also the face of my future now and sometimes i do scold myself for placing you in that role so fast and certain because we never know what will happen to us.
But i don't really think of that. I just give all of my heart to you. 

 
Here's to the future together my love. I hope it will never end for us.
 
Lots of HUGS & KISSES,
Swee